Picture the scene: It’s Thursday night in mid-summer. The heat has been incredible all day and by midnight my sister and I are being our usual awesome selves. You know, sitting on our asses watching Downton Abbey and imagining ourselves on the show (side note why do I always picture myself as an Anna rather than Lady Mary?) Anyway the dog had been whining at the door since the last time Lady Mary and Matthew gazed at each other longingly across a room so I hauled myself off the couch to let him out. I snapped on the light and was just about to open the door when a shriek emitted from my sisters mouth, the likes of which I hadn’t heard before. It sounded something like this
Translated this means: Hey Jesse, don’t be alarmed but there is an opossum outside so don’t let the dog out unless you want him to be attacked.
Yep, GIANT opossum sitting on the table outside the window chowing down on the cat food we keep out there.
But this wasn’t just any opossum, this was a HUGE, ugly, freakish opossum with one little beady black eye and one dead eye.
Noelle promptly named him Mad-Eye Moody (which I initially refused to call him but have since come to accept)
In our sisterly relationship Noelle is in charge of all things related to nature (bugs, spiders, reptiles, rodents, pigs, etc) so she was in charge of scaring the thing away since clearly I wasn’t going to step foot on the porch. But as she walked over to the door she suddenly recalled a news story she had read earlier that day about 2 girls in Tennessee (or Kentucky, or West Virginia…it was definitely in one of the states) who were attacked by a rabid beaver earlier in the week (seriously Google it, it happened). Anyway as she recalls this story she turns to me and says “what if it has rabies and runs inside when I open the door?”
Such a helpful statement don’t you think?
After some quiet shrieking on my part (it would do no good to wake my niece) I cowered behind the couch as she opened the door (an inch) and slammed it shut repeatedly to drive Mad-Eye away.
After a much needed Facebook status update I went to bed.
The next night…he was back.
Stupid MALE opossum.
With big hairy opossum balls that have touched my table, and chair, and deck.
We need to move