Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Parade Etiquette

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who love parades, and those who don't.   People who love parades get excited weeks in advance. They camp out in the wee hours of the morning to set chairs up in the ideal viewing location.  They come prepared with drinks and snacks and chairs and blankets and (sometimes) even RVs.

People who don't love parades get annoyed with them because they disrupt traffic.  But they go anyway because they have kids or nieces and nephews who are parade-loving-fools.

This weekend I found myself at a parade.  And it was cold fun! Despite my status as one who does not love parades I'll admit that it was nice seeing so many of my students up on floats (even the ones who didn't look thrilled to be there).  Plus, the parade had the most awesome Grand Marshall, ever!

With all of the friends, and blankets, and sights, and small town coziness you'd think it would be perfect...you'd be wrong.  Because aside from the kids, and students, and floats, and friends, and Christmas cheer, there were also PSYCHO ADULTS who clearly went insane when candy was thrown into the crowd. And I promise I'm not exagerrating.  These GROWN women were running around grabbing up handfuls of candy (seriously they had BAGS full at the end).  They would snatch up pieces of candy that my four year old niece was about to pick up (as in run up to her and grab the candy out from under her hand right before she actually touched it).  It was nuts  Crazy, rude, inappropriate, and NUTS.  The most ridiculuous part was that the little boy they had with them would hand my niece a piece of candy if he picked it up when she was reaching for it (clearly he had more manners than the grownups).  Don't get me wrong, my niece got plenty of candy...but that is not the point.

For future reference, lets take a moment to review some basic Parade Etiquette...

1. Don't take candy from small children
2. Don't stand in front of small children to try and get to the candy before they do
3. Don't take candy from small children
4. Don't put horses in between the fire truck and loud garbage truck (it'll scare the shit out of them...for real)
5. Don't take candy from small children
6. Don't take candy from small children
7. Don't take candy from small children
8. Don't take candy from small children
9. Don't take candy from small children
10. Don't take candy from small children

Any questions?