The thing about adoption is that it costs money. A LOT of money. And while there are any number of things I worry about on a daily basis (is the puppy going to pee in the house, is that a gray hair on my head, where is the closest exit and how quickly can I get to my niece if the house is suddenly stormed my kidnappers...you know, the usual) there is one thing that takes the worry trophy and that is money.
And I hate that it is money.
Because this house was the right decision. There is space for a baby, work is ridiculously close, the school district is great, and I love it....but the adoption fund took a hit.
And I knew it would.
But, yikes! It was a big hit.
And I've decided that what I need is an IDEA (yes, in all caps). Like and epic harry-potter-meets-twilight-meets-any-other-damn-thing-that-just-popped-into-the-heads-of-their-creators type of idea. Because I every time I think of something I could make, or sell I find 25 of them on Etsy (and way cuter than I could have done), and I don't thinking selling my eggs would work (but don't think I haven't thought of it, or the irony of it), but I know I need something.
I have a second job.
I'm saving a crap-ton of money in this new house since I split everything with my sister.
My gas bill went down to almost nothing since I can see work from my backyard.
But I've done the yard sales, and I have nothing left to sell.
And I've done the budget, and I have nothing more to save.
But if I'm perfectly honest there is one thing that I haven't really done, haven't honestly done and that is pray. I mean for real pray. Specifically pray. Just for what I need. Because honestly, honestly, it works. I know it works. I've seen it work.
And it's just me, my doubts, my worries, my me-ness, that has prevented me from truly believing that I can trust Him with this worry, with this need. Which is ridiculous because I fully trust Him to bring my daughter home. Seriously, that worry never enters my mind because I am absolutely certain that my child will come home when the time is right.
So why is it so hard to believe that He will help me find a way to get the money so that He can bring her home?
(and wow did this post go off in a direction I wasn't expecting, so I give. I'm listening, and I'm praying...and okay, I'm still thinking of BIG ideas but only because I think it would rule to retire and work from home)